Day 17: Mild Panic

You know how yesterday I mentioned that I was beginning to be concerned about the sizing of my sweater?

Yeah, I’m very concerned.

It was, in fact, practically all that I could think about with this sweater yesterday. I would get a row or two knitted up on the sleeve, then I’d set it down and spread it out and stare at it for a while, try it on, compare it to the store-bought cardigan I was already wearing.

I must have tried it on about 10 times, and each time only made it worse.

To clarify, if I were normal, this would be a non-issue. This cardigan is definitely going to fit, the trouble is that most of the time, I don’t like my cardigans to fit – I like them to be big and loose and baggy and comfortable. It goes back to the anxiety thing I mentioned with the seams. My anxiety is highly tactile, and is triggered by some seemingly meaningless sensations. I will have anxiety attacks simply because I perceive something to be too tight.

Most importantly, at least in regards to this sweater, if something comes up too close under my arms, I simply can’t wear it. And that’s what has me so worried here.

I had this rather frantic text exchange with my best friend, Taylor, who is also a knitter.

She’s done a couple of sweaters, so I’m going to trust her judgement on this one and try to keep going. Worst case scenario, I knit the whole thing and block it, and it ends up being unwearable for me. In which case, I’ll just have to take the whole thing out again, and try a different pattern.

One of the things I’ll definitely be looking for in my future knitting patterns is a drop sleeve. Or really, just about any other sleeve besides Raglan, because that seems like it might solve a lot of my problems here.

The result of all that insecurity about my sweater, unfortunately, resulted in not a lot of progress being made on it. I only managed about 10 rows. Even once Taylor helped me decide to keep going, I was just too frustrated by the project as a whole to keep working on it.

On the bright side, I did make a ton of progress on my blanket!

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